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Can't help but give yourself a hard time? You are not alone. There are thousands if not millions of people who are also extremely hard on themselves all the time. However, the fact that being hard on yourself is so common in this day and age, does not make it okay.
Being hard yourself is never a good thing and it should be worked on and stopped as soon as it is noticed. Clicking on a post like this means you've noticed that you’re hard on yourself and you are already trying to work on it, so well done!
There are many reasons you might be hard on yourself, but none of them are impossible to work on and eliminate. If you have low-self esteem or have grown up around people who criticize more than praise, that could be the reason. If you have any mental illness or a disorder that lowers your confidence, that could be the reason as well.
Determining exactly why you are so hard on yourself isn't always easy but it can be done either through self-exploration or therapy.
Is Being Hard On Yourself A Disorder?
Being hard on yourself isn't a disorder in and of itself but there are other disorders that can lead to it. For example, eating disorders can cause you to be hard on your body and self-image. Generalized anxiety or overthinking disorders may cause you to beat yourself up about past decisions and how they affect your future. Self-injury disorders also lead to being hard on yourself and there are many other disorders as well.
If you're not sure why you're always being hard on yourself, it may be best to get advice from a therapist. If you're not yet sure if you're too hard yourself or you’re just holding yourself to a standard, here are some signs to look for.
5 Signs You Are Too Hard On Yourself
If you are struggling to figure out if you are too hard on yourself, read the below five signs and see how many apply yo you.
1. You beat yourself up over the smallest mistakes
You know that everyone makes mistakes but when you make one, it's not acceptable to you. You beat yourself up about it and don't stop until someone tells you to or you're distracted by the next mistake.
Even the smallest mistakes that don't make a dent in the grand scheme of things make you feel like you've done the worst thing in the world.
2. You blame yourself for the mistakes of others
Sometimes you're hard on yourself even when others make mistakes.
For example, if someone treats you badly, you almost always believe that you must have done something to make them treat you that way.
3. You focus on what's failing in your life not what's working
You can be doing 99 things right but your mind stays stuck on the one thing you did wrong.
You turn a blind eye to the things you did right in life but won't stop beating yourself up about a failure that can be fixed.
4. Your self-talk is extremely negative
Self-talk is normal, negative self-talk is not. The biggest problem is that people who are hard on themselves only ever hear negative self-talk.
If you almost never say positive things to yourself and are always beating yourself up when you make a mistake, you're way too hard on yourself.
5. You don't keep commitments to yourself because you don't believe you're as worthy as others
You know you're too hard on yourself when keeping your promises to others is a lot easier than keeping your promises to yourself.
Try to remember that you are just as valuable and just as worthy as everyone else is to always receive the best version of yourself.
What Does The Bible Say About Being Hard On Yourself
The Bible doesn't talk directly about being hard on ourselves but it does tell us to treat ourselves the way God treats us. And God treats us with love, kindness, and grace.
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. ~ Romans 3:23-24 NIV
God could have been hard on us for our sins, He could have given us the ultimate punishment. But He didn't, He extended ultimate grace instead.
Now, if the creator of the universe thought that you are worthy enough to receive grace, who are you to decide you are not?
Your negative self-talk is not holy or helpful, God only has good things to say about you. So learn from Him, strive to be like Jesus, love others, forgive others, be good to others, but don't forget yourself. You deserve as much love as you so freely give to others.
How Can You Stop Being Hard On Yourself?
If you've been reading this post and slowly realizing how hard you've been on yourself and how bad it actually is, the natural next question is "how can I stop being so hard on myself?" Here are a few things you can do to help you stop being hard yourself:
Practice Self-Compassion
If your friend made a mistake and was sad about it, you would be compassionate towards them and do everything in your power to help them feel better, right? Then why do you beat yourself up and make yourself feel worse when you make a mistake?
Instead of being so hard on yourself, try practicing some self-compassion. Treat yourself like you're your best friend and your life will change.
Accept Your Past
You may have made some mistakes in your past, but who hasn't? No one is perfect and nobody is expected to be perfect either. A mistake is a mistake and it cannot be undone, so instead of dwelling over the past try accepting it.
Accept that you were wrong and move on. Leave it behind you and focus on what's before you because what can’t be changed should not take up space in your mind.
Combat Your Negative Thoughts
One of the biggest reasons you're always so hard on yourself is negative self-talk. Negative self-talk stems from negative thoughts. So a great way to stop beating yourself up is to combat your negative thoughts. This will work wonders in the way you think and feel about yourself.
Be Present
We're often so hard on ourselves either because of something we did in the past or because we haven't accomplished something yet.
One way to stop being hard on yourself is to stop worrying about both of those things and focus on the now. Be as present as possible and give this moment your best.
This is the moment that matters most, not a past that you cannot change nor a future that isn't promised. Now is what counts, so choose to focus on now.
Make Use Of A Journal
There are two completely different ways you can use a journal to stop being hard on yourself.
One way is to record your successes. At the end of each day, write down everything that went well and then read it a few times. So even if your mind is stuck on what went wrong, it will be forced to stop, even for a little while.
Another way to make use of a journal is to write down what you’ve been beating yourself up about. However, this time, instead of reading it, tear it into pieces. This will also help you get the thought out of your mind but make sure you do not read what you wrote as it will have the opposite effect of what you want.
As you try the above strategies, try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Also, if none of these work, don’t be disheartened. Remember that being hard on yourself does not just happen randomly. There are many reasons it could have happened and it's not always easy to unpack it on your own. It might be best to go see a therapist as they always create a safe space to explore and heal without judgment. You can find a qualified mental health professional near you by searching our directory that can help you answer the question " "Why am I so hard on myself?"
Disclaimer: the information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this article are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you are looking for a Christian counselor near you, please check out our directory located here: Christians Therapist Near Me
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