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Did you know 75% of adults do not have a single memory of receiving comfort from a primary caregiver when they were children? This lack of comfort (or lack of remembering being comforted as a child) impacts our functioning as an adult. It plays out in our relationships with our significant others, spouses, and children.
One easy way to begin to overcome the deficits from a lack of comfort in childhood is to start using a feelings list. I use a feeling list all the time in therapy, however, it never occurred to me to use one in my personal life until I read “How We Love” by Milan and Kay Yerkovich.
Using a feeling list will help you to become more intentional about the emotional needs of the people your care most about, whether it is your spouse, children, or friends. It forces you (and the person you are communicating with) to slow down and really hear the heart of your loved one. Have you ever noticed how hard it is to have an emotional connection when no emotions are apparent?
It is easy to start using a feeling list to make emotional connections. Just print any feelings list off (here is the one I use for adults and children) and you can find the one Yerkovich uses here: Soul Word List.
I would suggest giving each family member a list or putting the list in a spot where everyone can have access (I love the idea of the refrigerator or bathroom mirror). Then begin to use the feeling words to describe what is going on inside of you and encourage others to do the same.
I love turning as much of life as possible into a game. In order to do this, assign everyone a different color pen (children can just color in the picture as they use the words), and see who can talk about all the feelings on the list first.
About the Author:
Corine Williams, Ph.D. is Clinical Psychologist that is currently seeing clients through www.doctorondemand.com. However, her passion is to write books that educate, uplift, and help provide parents with a tool to talk about difficult subjects. You can find out more about her at www.booksbycorine.com or by visiting her amazon profile here: https://www.amazon.com/Corine-Hyman/e/B00AWZ5FL2
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Disclaimer: the information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this article are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you are looking for a Christian counselor near you, please check out our directory located here: Christians Therapist Near Me
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