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If you have been married any amount of time, then you know communication plays a major role in creating a happy marriage. Oftentimes, couples can ease into a rut where communication is not really clear, if there at all.
Why is communication important in marriages?
The importance of communication in marriage is sometimes overlooked, especially in today's society where our time often runs out before our to-do-list. Most marriages are viewed as “good” if they stay married and the kids stay alive.
However, good communication is the means by which all of the other crucial aspects of marriage are carried out. While every marriage will have its ups and downs; having a healthy communication style can help you deal with disagreement and establish a stronger, healthier relationship. You are more likely to have a peaceful and happy marriage if you and your spouse are able to communicate effectively. Given this fact, you may be wondering what is good communication or how to use it in your marriage.
Types of Communication in Marriage
In its most basic form, communication consists of sending and receiving messages. Messages are transmitted in a variety of ways. To have a successful marriage, couples should focus on three types of communication: verbal, nonverbal, and physical. Once you understand and apply all three types of communication, your marriage will have a better chance of being successful.
Verbal communication
Effective communication requires verbal communication. However, verbal communication consists of more than just words and phrases. To effectively communicate, you must use language or words that your partner understands.
Good verbal communication also requires you to be able to express your satisfaction, as well as dissatisfaction in the relationship. Dissatisfaction in a marriage should be done sensitively and with compassion. A lack of communication in a marriage, particularly verbal communication, can have a significant impact on the mental health of both partners.
Nonverbal communication
There is a funny meme that says "if my month doesn't say it my face will." this is the essence of non-verbal communication. However, non-verbal communication not just about the way you look because our bodies communicate far more than we give ourselves credit for. Non-verbal communication includes tone of voice, pauses, rate of speech, facial expressions, body positions (i.e. crossed arms) and even walking away .
When discussing the importance of communication in marriage, we must not overlook nonverbal communication because it impact the understanding of what spoken. For example, if you're talking to someone and they smile, you'll probably feel validated and like things are going well.
Be mindful of the messages your body language conveys to your spouse. If you are discussing an important topic with your spouse and your arms are crossed, you spouse may unconsciously sense you are being defensive. Therefore, it is important to face your husband or wife and keep your body language open when having difficult conversations.
Physical acts
The adage "actions speak louder than words" best describes this type of communication. You can tell your spouse how much you love them or how you will do anything for them but unless you are willing to back those words up with actions, they will eventually mean nothing.
Physical acts of communication looks different in every marriage. In one marriage it could be dinner on the table by six pm. In another marriage it could be lazy Saturday without any where to go. It is important to figure out what acts makes your spouse feel most love and perform them.
What does great marriage communication look like?
In a great relationship couples talk freely, openly, and feel safe sharing their most private thoughts. They comfortably and considerately verbalize their concerns and feelings when difficulties arise and voice their positive thoughts when things are good. Both partners talk tactfully, staying far from attacking, hurtful or controlling comments. They listen attentively, trying to understand what their partner says with sympathy rather than looking for what’s wrong in what their partner has to say or dismissing what they hear, even if they have a different perspective. And after talking, both people in the marriage feel good about the conversation, and feel like their concerns have been considered and addressed.They even look forward to the opportunity to talk with each other, whether about small things or bigger issues that require much work to resolve.
Great communication in relationships is a skill that you can learn. It takes practice. And it takes a teacher that can show you how. Power of Two is designed to teach you the skills to master the art of communication free of any fighting, bitterness, or distrust.
How to Improve Communication in Marriage
Now that we have explored the importance of why communication in marriage is important, as well as the different types of communication, let’s look at X practical communication in marriage tips.
Be Intentional About Talking To Each Other.
The busyness of today can certainly come between a happily married couple. Intentional conversations get swapped for quick hi’s and byes with short texts in between. If, and when, there is any talk, it’s usually about the children or what’s next on the agenda.
One practical way to be intentional about talking to your spouse is to set a time every single day that you will sit down and chat with no distractions. If you have children, explain to them that mom and dad are going to have alone time to talk. Let them watch their favorite movie, show, or read a book.
Don’t forget to clear all distractions. This means no cell phones, computers, or anything else that could possibly get in the way of you talking to each other.
Listen Thoroughly.
How often do you listen to your spouse but only hear half of what they say because you’re already formulating a response? It’s okay, be honest. Majority of couples do this. And it is also one of the top reasons why there is so much miscommunication. Yes, it can be difficult… but it is possible - and necessary.
Listening thoroughly not only allows you to hear your spouse completely, but it can also lead to more meaningful conversations. Scripture says, “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is a folly and shame to him.” (Proverbs 18:13). This lets us know that it is important to be intentional when we are speaking with others, especially our spouse.
Avoid Mind Reading.
I have to admit this is probably more of an issue for wives. We would love for our husbands to be able to read our minds and communicate on that wavelength, but the truth of the matter is it’s not a healthy way to communicate. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I believe we also try to read our husband’s minds.
Both husbands and wives should try to avoid mind reading, and instead clearly ask questions to obtain a response. And in doing so, you end up practicing listening intentionally and without being defensive.
Be Specific.
There are times when you may want to beat around the bush about something. Whether this branches from trust issues or lack of being able to find the right words to say, this tip also takes practice. When communicating with your spouse, be specific.
For example, if/when an issue arises, avoid saying things like, “Well, you do it all the time.” The flood of memories in trying to pinpoint exact times that something was done can become overwhelming and frustrating. Instead, be more specific and consider using “I” statements.
Express More Positive Feelings.
It’s so easy to point out the negative in our spouses. These negatives then become seeds that are sown and eventually reaped. Instead, practice expressing more positive feelings while using words that are uplifting and encouraging.
Proverbs 16:24 says, “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” This is a perfect depiction of how good communication can be a breath of fresh air and healing at the same time.
Having good communication in marriage is a skill that takes practice, but is worth the endurance. Good communication builds positive interaction built on listening, validation, expression, and affirmation. To help you spring clean your marriage in the communication department, I have a free printable for you. Use the communication cards as a way to practice this skill with your spouse and enhance your marriage at the same time!
Click the above picture to download this marriage communication ebookIf you have tried the advice offered in this article, as well as marriage communication cards and still find yourself struggling to effectively communicate in your marriage, it is likely time to engage in Christian marriage counseling. You can find a good Christian marriage counselor near you by searching our director.
About the Author:
Corine Williams, Ph.D. is Clinical Psychologist that is currently seeing clients through www.doctorondemand.com. However, her passion is to write books that educate, uplift, and help provide parents with a tool to talk about difficult subjects. You can find out more about her at www.booksbycorine.com or by visiting her amazon profile here: https://www.amazon.com/Corine-Hyman/e/B00AWZ5FL2
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Disclaimer: the information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this article are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you are looking for a Christian counselor near you, please check out our directory located here: Christians Therapist Near Me
